3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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