I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
