i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize