Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
