My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
