A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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