she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
