So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
