i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
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