Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
