Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
