He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
