Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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