she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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