Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
