I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
