The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
