So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So much rum. So many feels.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
