I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
