He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
