so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Randomize
