Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
