Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
