I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
not ubering you a puppy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
