I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We talked him into tasing himself.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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