Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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