just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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