Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
