so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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