I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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