when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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