I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize