My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
