I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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