apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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