I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Randomize
