i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
There's even glitter on my cock...
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