I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
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