I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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