we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
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