Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
