The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
