I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
do nipples grow back?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
