She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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