Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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