toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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