I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
