She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
