Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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