Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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