He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
