I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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