can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
