she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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