O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize