it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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