According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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