theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
