We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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