history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
