So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
