I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
