you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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