Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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