Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
