He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
