Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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