Cold hands, warm shart.
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
