im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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