I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
