Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
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