well you can't waste a boner
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
