i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
