return my video game
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
