I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
