You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
