im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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