I am in a vortex of obligation.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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