the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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