You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
