I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
