After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Randomize
