Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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