I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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