normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
