Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
