we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize