For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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