I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
