Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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