Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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