My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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