I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
