I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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