you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize