my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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