It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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