tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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