But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
