fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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