So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
