So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
