ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Drake has all the answers
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
