dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You made out with two different species that night
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
