I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
