Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
