I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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