I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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