Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
