i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
